Bohemia Village Voice

The Coach Trip

A party of people decided to go to the sea – young, old, a mixed bunch of friends, colleagues and extendeds.
Much arguing and debate on the means of transport had taken place, but no agreement had been reached. It was decided, somehow, amidst the confusion that three delegates should stand to represent the most likely modes of transport, namely coach, rail, or a car-share scheme.
Brian, the owner of the local coach company decided to stand to represent the car-share scheme. Reginald, a retired businessman and a major shareholder in the local coach company stood to represent rail. Then a rumour spread amongst the group that only people with money to spare were standing as candidates, and much debate and disquiet emerged. It was at this point when Rob the coach driver was nominated to represent travel by coach.
The three candidates prepared their speeches and the group met up a week later in the village hall to take part in the debate. Brian was first to stand on the stage.
“Ladies and gentlemen, a car-share scheme is by far the best way for a party to travel to the sea, and I’m so glad to get this opportunity to talk some sense into all those foolish enough to consider anything else. On a purely personal level I get fed up with my wife’s flatulence and it would be a great way to palm her off onto someone else. Plus, it means I can get drunk without having to drive. Oh yes, I’m all for someone else having to do all the work while I sit backseat-driving and smoking my cigars. Quiet at the back, Mavis, we’ll take questions later, dearest. Most importantly everyone always sings Oh, I Do Like to be Beside the Seaside on coach trips to the sea, which of course is not what should be sung on coach trips to the sea.”
Everyone mumbled to each other, but soon it was Reginald to argue for rail.
“My friends, colleagues, countrymen. There is nothing better than rail travel for a trip to the seaside, although sadly my enthusiam has waned a little since the Flattbury rail crash which killed and injured so many people. It is suprisingly easy to avoid certain death, however, by sitting facing forward to the rear of the carriages, near to an exit, with a mobile phone and a first-aid kit. Besides, on coach trips to the sea everyone always sings Summer Holiday which is not supposed to be sung on coach trips to the sea.”
Again the audience murmured as Reginald grinned confidently taking his place to await the final speech. Rob went up to argue for coach. Reginald and Brian booed in unison, annoying everyone.
“I’m fed up with these old fools telling us what to sing on coach trips to the sea! It should be up to us to decide what to sing! We live in a democracy!”
Everyone cheered and Rob was begining to feel like a local hero. Reg and Brian went up and shook his hand in a conceding manner nodding approval at their victor. Everyone was happy with the outcome.
The coach trip made a little money for Rob, who was driving, a bit more for Reg, and even more for Brian.
No one sung anything, well it was only a coach trip.